How to Cultivate Grit and Quit Quitting on Yourself
For most of my life I was the queen of starting a project or workout program only to bail a few weeks in once my motivation had vanished. I would scold myself endlessly at the first missed exercise session, the first unplanned meal, the first sign of any difficulty at all. Most times I would immediately abandon the endeavor since perfection was out of reach and discouragement and disappointment in myself followed closely after.
Eventually I got to the hopeless point where the negative thoughts would pop their head in before I even began something. “What’s the point in starting this new project? I’ll eventually just quit it anyways. Why can’t I be consistent with anything? Why am I so lazy?” I’ve since learned to speak more kindly to myself, a critical piece of this process that I will save for another day.
In order to achieve our biggest goals in life, grit is a skill that we can call upon in those times that our motivation has waned or things might not be going exactly as planned. The ability to persist, especially when immense obstacles or burdens inevitably pop up, is absolutely essential to achieving our goals.
Motivation is a useful tool when you have it, but unfortunately it can’t be depended on. The cycle of starting, quitting, and self-deprecation repeated itself until I got sick of the constant round and round figured out how to jump off the ride. Cultivating grit has been essential to my ability to start, and actually stick with, anything I set my mind to.
Grit: the ability to persist towards your passions or goals
Habits I’ve been able to cultivate since developing grit that always seemed to be out of my reach include:
1. A regular exercise routine (Pilates 4-5X a week and 5 walks/runs)
2. Consistent, healthy eating habits
3. Daily journaling and meditation
4. Practicing writing every day
A couple of huge things I’ve accomplished since developing grit:
1. Completing my master’s degree at Johns Hopkins
2. Finally starting this blog!
Getting Down to the Nitty-Gritty
The first thing to remember is that while grit may be an inherent quality for some people, it can take a long time to develop for those of us who aren’t so fortunate. It took me two years of constantly working towards this skill before I felt confident in my ability to start and follow-through with the goals I had. So be patient!
Angela Duckworth is a world-renowned psychologist whose research focuses around grit. On a recent episode of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans titled “The Science of Grit”, she breaks down the 4 steps to cultivating this skill. Let’s go through it step-by-step with an example from my life- developing a regular exercise practice.
1. Figure out what interests you.
Part of my problem with exercise was I just didn’t love the typical weightlifting or running on a treadmill. So, I found a form of exercise that interested me. I was a dancer when I was younger and I loved it, so I tried an exercise modality that is similar to dance (Pilates). I was hooked from the start.
If you are struggling to figure out what interests you, whether it be your career or hobbies, thinking back to what you loved as a child is a great place to start.
Maybe you were always drawing in class instead of paying attention. Explore your artistic side.
Maybe you were always playing sports. Join an adult league.
This part will usually involve stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things. Embrace the discomfort knowing that it signals change and growth!
2. Once you’ve figured that out, give it your all and practice, practice, practice!
After my first Pilates class, I signed up for an unlimited membership right away. It’s not cheap and I had to make room for it in my budget, but it’s totally worth it to me. I can take as many classes as I want and the 12-hour cancellation policy means I have to show up for the classes I schedule otherwise I pay a $20 fee, a huge motivator!
Going all in will look different depending on your circumstances and what works for you.
If you want to start a business but don’t have the money, dedicate your time to educating yourself on your field and what you need to know to be a business owner.
If you want to start exercising but don’t have the time, take a hard look at your schedule and see where you could reprioritize. Maybe that means skipping a Netflix show or using your lunch hour at work. If something is truly a passion, you’ll find somewhere to fit it in.
Once you go all in, consistency is key, but this part can be challenging. I set a goal to attend at least 4 classes a week which I usually achieve. Sometimes the repetitive movements can get boring but consistency has increased my strength and balance tenfold. You must engage in focused practice to get better and as Dr. Duckworth says,
“The 1,000’s of hours of practice aren’t as fun to watch on YouTube.”
Repetition can be monotonous and the lack of excitement is the point at which most of us fail. Step 3 is critical because it is what you will fall back on when your motivation eventually fades.
3. Ask yourself WHY you are doing this thing.
I started Pilates because I felt very physically out of shape which scared me at only 30 years old. I got winded going up the stairs in my house and I could hardly touch my toes. Being physically healthy and vibrant throughout my life is a goal of mine so incorporating an exercise routine was essential to achieving that. My father died from a heart attack at 49, which is also a huge motivator to be physically healthy for me.
The why will be different for every person and situation but figuring it out is the key to persisting towards your goal.
When you feel like you can’t persevere, remembering your big why will bring your head right back into the game.
Are you eating well so you can be healthy enough to run around with your children?
Are you learning to speak Spanish to talk with your abuela?
Imagine your why as a candle. When we forget about it, our flame of motivation flickers and falters. But when we actively think about our why and give it power, the flame burns bright, lighting our way.
4. Develop a growth mindset.
While the saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” may be true for our furry companions, the idea behind it can be incredibly limiting for us humans. But in order to evolve, we need to first believe that we are capable of change and growth.
When I first started Pilates, I was frustrated to tears more than once because of how out of shape I was. However, I believed that I could get better and with consistent practice, I’m now doing most of the crazy moves I could only dream of at the beginning.
Also, make sure to feed your mind with things that will nurture it and help it flourish. Books, audiobooks, podcasts, YouTube videos, Instagram accounts and every other form of media exists for whatever you are interested in nowadays. A quick google search will return 1,000s of results for any given topic in less than a second. Go from there!
Now that I’ve laid out the 4 steps to developing grit, go out there and get to work!
Figure out what interests you
Give it your all
Figure out your WHY
Develop a growth mindset.
Make sure to be patient with yourself and soon you’ll have an extremely useful life skill you can call upon to accomplish your goals and dreams!
What goals of yours can grit help you accomplish? Comment below!
Additional Resources
Podcast: A Slight Change of Plans- The Science of Grit
Dr. Angela Duckworth's Website
References
Shankar, M. (Host) and Duckworth, A. (Guest). (2021, November 22). The Science of Grit. [Audio podcast] Retrieved from https://open.spotify.com/episode/56LEivdd7qI3qZHsdfnc8C?si=R6BtFpMMR0qS6viFNpJtNQ&utm_source=copy-link