31 Lessons I’ve Learned in my 31 Trips Around the Sun
Here are some thoughts I jotted down on the morning of my 31st birthday. I hope some of them resonate with you.
Soul Lessons
People are mostly good and kind but do bad things out of desperation or fear.
We are often quick to defend family members or friends who make bad decisions because we have seen their humanity firsthand. We don’t need to excuse other’s bad behavior but understanding where it stems from is the key difference between moving forward and healing or repeating the same negative, hurtful cycles.
2. Loving yourself is a radical act of defiance in a world that constantly tells you you’re not good enough.
Every person is worthy of the peace of mind that comes from being happy and content within their own body and soul. You are worthy of that peace of mind right here, right now and always.
3. There’s no reason to be mean to yourself.
Try replacing your mean, harsh inner dialogue with words of grace and sweetness. Tell yourself things like, “Good job!”, “I’m so strong!” and “I’m kind.” If negative self-talk is something you struggle with, as I have, you can absolutely rewire your inner voice. Encouragement is a much stronger motivator than criticism.
4. You have to forgive people but you don’t have to tolerate being treated badly.
We all have people in our life that have wronged us, just as we have wronged many people. It’s important that we apologize for our misdeeds and also accept genuine apologies from others. However, if someone repeatedly demonstrates that they have no intention of changing or making things better, you have the right to limit contact with that person even if they are family. No one has the right to steal your peace.
5. Forgiving your parents for their shortcomings is necessary to move forward with your own life.
5 years ago I would have told you I could never forgive my parents for abandoning me at 3 years old and hardly looking back. Today I understand they were individual people with their own demons that they were mostly incapable of dealing with. I have forgiven my parents and it considerably lightened the load of trauma I carried from them.
6. Learning how to set boundaries for your personal and work life will set you free.
Saying “no” has never been a problem for me because I watched people-pleasing wear my own Nana down bit by bit over the years. Saying “yes” to everyone and everything means there are no yeses left for yourself. Protect your personal time and things that are important to you in a gentle but firm way.
“Saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything means there are no yeses left for yourself.”
7. I mostly don’t know what I’m doing in life, but I do it anyway.
This includes making decisions about my career, taking care of my grandparents and even starting this blog! Do a little research, ask for sparing advice from trusted people in your life, listen to your intuition, make a decision, commit to it and just go for it.
8. If you don’t get along with another person, it's probably because you see pieces of yourself you don’t like reflected in them.
I used to get irrationally angry doing Yoga with Adriene because she tends to ramble a lot and then I realized that’s something that I do that I don’t like about myself. I get unbelievably frustrated at my mother about her inability to take accountability for her actions, something I still struggle with. The next time someone aggravates you, examine what parts of yourself are being reflected back towards you.
9. Love should be an action word.
Someone can tell you they love you all day but if they make you feel unsupported, neglected or scared, I can assure you they don’t. Someone who loves you will make your life easier (and harder!) in a million tiny ways.
10. Life is chaotic and we cannot control it. But we can control how we respond to the chaos.
The one certain thing in life is that everything changes. By learning to roll with the punches and how to adapt quickly we can minimize the distress that comes from the curveballs life constantly throws at us.
11. Our lives are so long and so short.
There’s plenty of time to do what you want but you better start right away because there’s actually no time at all. To avoid getting overwhelmed, make small, consistent steps towards the type of person you want to be and the type of life you want to lead. Before you know it you’ll be flourishing.
12. I used to feel this saying was so cringe but in the spirit of the lesson, “don’t yuck anyone else’s yum”.
Let people do their thing especially if they aren’t bothering you. In other words, mind your business.
13. Take a break.
A ten-minute cool down break makes reacting to any situation much more manageable. Let yourself feel the big feelings and then react from a calm and measured place.
14. Push your boundaries but know where they are.
Don’t walk blindly over an edge. I’m terrified of heights but decided to go to the top of Pikes Peak last year and totally panicked. I still get dizzy thinking about it. Start small and you won’t set yourself up for failure.
15. If someone randomly pops into your mind, call them.
All too often we don’t let the people we love know that we are thinking about them. A 5 minute catch up call or good morning text goes a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.
16. Community is everything.
We can’t change what’s going on around the world but we can change what’s going on down our street. Treat your neighborhood and fellow community members with respect and others will do the same. Building a smaller, personal community of people you can call on for help, and who you’d help as well, is absolutely necessary for when you inevitably need it.
17. Think before you speak but always say what’s on your mind.
Be mindful when you talk because words can carry a heavy weight. Being clear, thoughtful and calm when you communicate with others will invite more productive conversations.
Life Lessons
18. Taking care of your body is a privilege that should be exercised.
We only get one physical body in this lifetime and it should be treated with respect and care. Your body deserves your time and attention.
19. It is equally as important to exercise your mind!
Endless, mindless television and social media scrolling will turn your brain to mush. Use the unbelievable gift that is your brain for learning, reading and exploring! (And remember it’s totally okay to binge watch trash TV every once and awhile, everything in moderation. Ink Master is my show of choice, does anyone else still have a crush on Dave Navarro or is that just me?)
20. On that note, get outside. There’s a whole magical world outside of Netflix, I promise.
About three years ago I started to more thoroughly explore the areas around me and was astounded by what I found. There are bike trails that run right along the Rio Grande, hiking trails along volcanoes and mountains and too many delicious local restaurants and coffee shops to count. You usually don’t have to travel far from home to find something special.
Me in the Sandia Mountain foothills at the Elena Gallegos Open Space on February 11, 2022.
Photo credit: My soul sister Sara Schwantes!
21. Binge drinking is dangerous.
We’ve all done it and oftentimes it’s the center of entertainment at a party. According to a 2018 study by Molina and Nelson, “binge drinking is more likely to contribute to organ injury than paced, moderate alcohol drinking that is associated with a meal”. This can be exacerbated in females because our metabolic rates are naturally lower than males, meaning it takes our bodies longer to clear the alcohol out of our system. Just some food for thought the next time the shot glasses get pulled out.
22. Eating healthy is not complicated. Keep it simple.
Less junk, more fruits and veggies. Only eat until you’re full and if you’re an emotional eater (like me!) learn strategies to deal with your feelings and cravings. Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen was an absolute game changer for me.
23. The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins should be required reading for all high school seniors.
And if you’ve already graduated high school, read it yesterday. I read this book at the beginning of 2021 and it transformed my perception and handling of finances. I was able to invest $5,000 last year (on a measly research salary) and save money for other things because of this book and I feel much more confident in my financial future now because of it.
24. Breaking up with consumerism will set you free.
You don’t *need* that brand new car or that t-shirt from Target in every color. A couple years ago I suddenly became aware of the constant bombardment of advertisements in our lives through TV, podcasts, online ads and more. They tell us we have to have all of these things to be happy but we really don’t. They just want our money.
25. Spend your money on savings, vacations and experiences.
These will enhance your life much more than “stuff” will. Quit buying shit you don’t need. I figured out that shopping, along with alcohol and other coping mechanisms, was a way for me to avoid my feelings. The next time you feel the urge to spend a bunch of money online or at Target, just stop for a split second and ask yourself, “Do I actually want this stuff?”
26. There are lots of reasons to want/not want children. Start that conversation with your partner as soon as possible.
Not having children was something my husband and I agreed on very early in our relationship and I don’t believe it’s something you should compromise on. If you know for sure that you want children and your partner doesn’t, or vice versa, that’s a conversation better had sooner rather than later. Follow your heart and don’t settle for a situation you won’t be satisfied with in 20 years.
My puppy children, Titan (left) and Lexi (right).
27. The trajectory of your life is determined by your daily habits. Develop healthy ones.
I used to think having a daily routine would make me a boring person. Turns out not having a daily routine made my growth and progress in all areas of life suffer. Establishing daily habits, even ones that take as little as 5 minutes, is essential to making actual progress towards your goals. Atomic Habits by James Clear is a wonderful resource that changed my whole perspective and approach to habits.
28. College isn’t necessary.
There are plenty of ways to make a great living without a degree. Plumbers, electricians and construction workers all make more money than me, even with my master’s degree. Plus their skills are vital to keeping our infrastructure running!
29. Any source you get your news from will have a bias.
This includes the internet, CNN, your aunt's Facebook account, and Fox News. It’s your responsibility to learn to determine what’s fact and what’s opinion. Take all of it with a grain of salt.
30. Politicians, of any party, are really only worried about the interests of their corporate donors.
Most of them don’t really care about what their constituents want and they are more worried about pandering to their highest donors to ensure their next re-election bid. Term limits in Congress would be a great place to start.
And the most important lesson I’ve learned so far…
31. Don’t stay stagnant. Keep growing.
Growth is painful. Staying the same is painful. I believe one of the main points of life is to move forward and be better than the person we were yesterday. That’s certainly what I’m trying to do and I hope you’ll join me.
What was your favorite lesson and how can you commit to growing forward?
Books mentioned*:
For Emotional eating: Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen
How to build wealth: The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins
How to develop habits: Atomic Habits by James Clear
*If I was a better blogger I would provide an Amazon affiliate link to these books but I encourage you to get them from Thriftbooks, Bookshop.org, a local bookstore or a secondhand bookstore.
Sources Cited
Molina, P. E., & Nelson, S. (2018). Binge Drinking's Effects on the Body. Alcohol research : current reviews, 39(1), 99–109.